beyond the grave 03 - a ghostly demise Page 5

  “Has she been talking about it?” Granny poured herself a glass of tea.

  “Well”—I leaned in on my elbows as if I was telling her a big secret—“they are having a big family gathering tomorrow night at the carnival. Mary Anna said Teddy is coming into town. I can’t help but wonder if Leotta is going to bring Terk as her boyfriend or something. Besides, he is a voter.”

  I held the glass up to my lips, lifted my brows and peered over the top at Granny, who was contemplating every word I was saying.

  “A vote is a vote.” Granny’s eyes narrowed.

  “What if I pack up some of those cookies and take them over to Terk’s for a little campaigning?” The idea was solid. I could pretend to be going door-to-door handing out buttons to get in front of him.

  “You are brilliant, granddaughter!” Granny jumped up. She searched the cabinets for some Tupperware and stacked some cookies in it. “This is exactly why I gave you Eternal Slumber.”

  She shoved the box toward me.

  “One more thing.” I knew it was going to be a shocker of a question. “What do you think really happened to Cephus Hardy?”

  “I think he drank himself to death somewhere.” Granny never said anything she didn’t mean. “I think he got tired of all of Leotta’s bullshit and decided to get out.”

  “Bullshit?” I asked. “What bullshit?”

  “Stop talking like that,” Granny warned. There were things that always seemed okay for her but were never okay for me. Swearwords were one of them. “Leotta was always stringing along some man around Cephus to get his goat.”

  “That’s right, Zula Fae.” Cephus appeared. He leaned on the counter near the cookie sheet. “I’d love to have a cookie and an ice-cold Stroh’s.”

  “Leotta might be all sweet, but she is the jealous type and she’s still a woman. Likes to be center of attention. At least that is what I was told.” Granny pushed the box of cookies a little closer to me.

  Granny pulled back. “Why all these questions? This don’t have nothing to do with my campaign, does it?”

  “I want to make sure you are nowhere near this mess in the past since Bea Allen Burns has come back to help her brother beat you.” I shook my head. “When in politics, the past has a habit of rearing its ugly head.”

  “Trust me.” Granny jabbed her finger in her own chest. “I never ran around with that group. Nor did I do anything in my past that would keep me from winning this election.”

  Chapter 7

  T here were two things Southerners hated to see knocking on their door. Jehovah Witnesses, because the majority of us were Baptist, and the undertaker. It was understandable that when Terk Rhinehammer opened the door, his face turned white as all the blood was drained from it after he looked past me and saw my hearse.

  “What’s wrong?” He used his hands to pat down his chest. “I’m not dead, am I?” he halfheartedly joked.

  “You gonna be!” Cephus had a habit of appearing at the wrong times. Which happened to be when he wanted to fight someone.

  Cephus bounced on his toes, jabbing the air.

  Ahem. I cleared my throat to try to get Cephus to stop. He was becoming a bit of a distraction.

  “Can I get you a beer?” The cigarette nestled in the corner of Terk’s mouth bounced up and down with every word.

  Terk looked different from what I remember when I was a little girl and seeing him around Sleepy Hollow. Granted, that was a lifetime and headful of hair ago, but still, time had not been good to him. His muscular build had turned to flab, especially under his chin, and his long ponytail had turned into a long, thin crown around the bald spot.

  “No thank you.” I couldn’t help but notice the beer gut he had developed from the consumption of the drink in his hand.

  “It’s noon.” He joked. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and took a swig out of the Pabst Blue Ribbon can before he crushed it and threw it in the plastic trash can outside the door. “If I ain’t dead, and no one I know isn’t, what’s the pleasure?”

  “I was wondering if I could take a few minutes of your time to talk with you about the election, and my granny, Zula Fae . . .” I held out one of Granny’s buttons.

  “I know who your granny is.” He pulled his pants clear up to his armpits. His eyes filled with surprise. “Say, are you Bo Raines’s kid?”

  Now we were getting somewhere. Granted, it wasn’t about Cephus, but I was going to hear how he knew my daddy.

  “We ain’t here to talk about Bo.” Cephus stomped. “Take the beer! Hell, I’ll take any beer!”

  “Do you know my daddy?” I asked, rolling up on my toes and trying to take a gander into his trailer.

  He stepped in front of me with his beer gut and chest jutting out, blocking my view.

  “I know of your daddy. We never ran around the same circles. That whole funeral gig y’all got going kinda gave me and my buds the creeps.” He crossed his arms in front of him. “I’m thinking about voting for O’Dell Burns. He has never tried to bury someone who didn’t have pre-need arrangements. Or dig up the dead.”

  “Well, to be fair.” I put my hands on my hips. Terk made it sound like Eternal Slumber was a fly-by-night funeral parlor. “Granny was married to Earl Way and Chicken Teater hadn’t died of pneumonia but had been murdered so Sleepy Hollow’s finest began working on his case and needed clues. All legitimate reasons.”

  I had to admit that Eternal Slumber had taken a few hits over the years. It wasn’t good for business when Granny’s second husband died and she laid him out right in the front viewing room of Eternal Slumber with the entire town there to pay their respects, or be nosy. Either way, they were there when Earl Way’s ex-wife and Granny’s number one nemesis, Ruthie Sue Payne, showed up with O’Dell Burns and plucked Earl Way’s dead body right out of his casket.

  Earl Way never took care of updating his funeral needs when he married Granny, leaving O’Dell Burns with the most current funeral arrangements. Ruthie didn’t care, she just wanted to get under Granny’s skin. Only Granny put on a brave face and smiled like a good Southern woman . . . hiding her crazy, just like me.

  Then there was Chicken. He too had come to see me, and he was who sent Cephus to me. Everyone thought he died of pneumonia. Everyone was wrong. He was murdered and I had to help him to the other side.

  Cephus’s case was a little different than the last two. There was no body. No evidence he was murdered. Somehow, I had to find his body. Had he been murdered five years ago? Would there be any bones or anything left of him?

  I glanced over at Cephus. His eyes never left Terk. Terk’s eyes never left me. Cephus wrung his hands and used his finger to rotate the ring on this right-hand ring finger.

  “Do you wear that all the time?” I pointed.

  “Never take it off.” Cephus held his hand up in the air, showing me the gold band and square onyx stone that took up the entire face of the ring.

  “Wear what?” Terk snubbed out his half-smoked cigarette on the ground with his foot.

  “Nothing.” I shook my head, realizing I had said that out loud. “Anyway, I don’t see a car.” I had to slip in Leotta somehow. “I’d be more than happy to come pick you up so you could vote. Voting is a privilege every citizen needs to exercise no matter if you vote for Granny or not.”

  “What makes you think I don’t have a car?” he snarled.

  “I don’t see one.” I twirled around and took a good look at his small yard.

  “My friend has my old Buick. I’ve got a ride.”

  “You mean Leotta Hardy?” I asked.

  His head jerked up. “How do you know about Leotta?”

  It wasn’t like I could tell him that Cephus Hardy was dead and right there about to give him the smackdown, nor could I tell him that I had seen his old Buick parked in front of Higher Grounds when I acted like I had no idea he had a car and offered him a ride.

  “Isn’t she still married to Cephus Hardy?” My eyes zeroed in on his facial expression.
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  Cephus jumped around me and grabbed Terk by the neck. “Yeah, you sonofabitch!”

  “Stop!” I yelled, but it was too late. Terk was feeling the effect of Cephus’s revenge.

  Terk choked out a lung, bent over and continued to hack.

  “Need. A. Beer,” he gasped, holding one hand up to his throat and the other pointed into the trailer.

  I rushed past him and made a sharp right turn into the kitchen, where there was a round café table, two chairs, a small counter with a sink and a few upper cabinets that had yellowed from the cigarette smoke.

  There was a piece of paper lying on the table with Cephus Hardy printed big and bold at the top. Without even looking at it and without thinking, I grabbed it and stuck it in my pocket.

  I picked up a glass from the wire drying rack on the counter next to the sink and turned on the faucet to fill it with water before I rushed back out to Terk, who had now gone out on his lawn in a gasping fit and lay on the ground.

  Cephus stood next to Terk, laughing his head off and tapping the toe of his white, patent-leather shoe.

  “Clearly he didn’t want to talk about my girl.” Cephus brushed his hands together. “My business here is done.”

  Terk pointed to the hearse and nodded.

  “You want me to take you to Doc Clyde?” I asked.

  Up and down his head went. There was a fear of death in his eyes.

  “Don’t you dare help that thief.” Cephus ran alongside me and Terk. I opened the door. Cephus tried to step in front of us, but I tucked Terk inside and slammed the door. “That thief needs to come to my side so I can get him in a real chokehold.”

  I rushed to the driver’s side and jumped in. I threw the hearse in gear and peeled out of the gravel drive, spitting rocks behind me.

  “Maybe you should stop smoking.” I took the drive over to Doc Clyde’s as an opportunity to lecture him on his bad habit. “Or you will be riding back there next time.” I pointed to the gurney in the back.

  “Awe, he’s all right.” Cephus sat cross-legged on the gurney. He twirled the ring, using his thumb around his finger. “Let him smoke.”

  Cephus and I both knew Terk had choked because Cephus did a little ghost kung fu on him, but Terk didn’t know that.

  Before I could bring the hearse to a full stop Terk jumped out, holding his throat. He didn’t look back or even thank me for the ride.

  “Sonofabitch.” Cephus appeared up front in the passenger seat Terk had vacated. He muttered some other expletive, but I drove off, trying to get the note out of my pocket.

  Chapter 8

  Well?” Charlotte was hunkered over her desk when I got back from visiting Terk and taking him to see Doc Clyde. “Did you talk to Granny?”

  “I did.” I ran my fingers through my hair and leaned up against the doorjamb of her office door. Talking to Charlotte was a lot more stressful than any murdered ghost or dealing with Granny. I held the note in my hand. “She’s harmless. I think we can let her keep her sign up. It’s just a week away. And we don’t have any clients right now.”

  “Right now is right.” Charlotte pushed her chair back, letting it roll into the bookshelf behind her. “We don’t know when our clients’ time is up. We don’t know when we are going to have clients. What if we get a call in a minute? Then what?”

  “I guess we will deal with it then.” I shrugged and pushed off the door casing. “I’m going to see Vernon.”

  “He’s gone. He’s done with the autopsy and the family has decided to use Burns Funeral. Bea Allen came over here to get him with O’Dell’s hearse.” Charlotte’s face dripped with a look of disgust.

  “Well, isn’t it your job to talk with the family?” I reminded her of the role she had fought for when Granny retired.

  Originally, I thought Charlotte and I would share the duties, all the duties. But Charlotte was too prissy to get her hands dirty. She rarely even went down to the morgue or up to the casket when a client was laid out in the viewing room.

  “Since when did Bea Allen come back to town?” Charlotte asked as she picked at the pink polish on her fingernails.

  “She’s just visiting while the election is going on. I think she’s going to do some campaigning for O’Dell. That’s why we need the sign.” I looked at my watch. Where was the day going? I still needed to get groceries for my romantic dinner with Jack Henry as well as go help Granny with the dinner crowd at Sleepy Hollow Inn. “I’ve got to go help Granny since she’s shorthanded, with Hettie Bell opening up the yoga studio.”

  I left out the part about me having Jack Henry over for dinner because she wouldn’t have seen that as a priority.

  “Fine,” Charlotte called after me. “But the sign goes down the minute the election polls close! You hear me, Emma Lee? One week! One week!” she screamed from the top of her pretty little head.

  There wasn’t any need to respond to her rants. Charlotte Rae always thought she was right. It was Momma, Daddy, and Granny’s fault for letting her.

  I let myself out the front door and decided to take my chances and walk across the square to the Inn. The carnival workers were almost done with setting up a few of the rides. The tilt-a-whirl was minus a few riding buckets, but I was sure I’d be on one tomorrow.

  No matter what the age, everyone in Sleepy Hollow loved when the carnival came to town. There were a few tents set up. The one with the stage was where local bands would locate and play a set or two, plus the pergola was all dolled up with flowers for the pageant contestants to walk under. It was the time of the year when all the mommies dolled up their precious little girls in large, fluffy dresses, shiny shoes, big hair bows, high hair and spent all their money on dance lessons all for one little plastic trophy with Queen scrolled on the small silver plate.

  Mary Anna had mentioned she was going to be busy doing the hair and makeup for them. She even said something about having to be fast so the little girls didn’t lash out and bite her.

  I uncurled the note and tried to read it as I walked. There was a bunch of scribble that I couldn’t make out, but I clearly read something about a payday and Cephus’s collecting it. What did that mean? Payday?

  “Emma Lee Raines, you sure have grown up to be a beaut.” The carnival guy stood on a ladder working on the dunking booth. “It’s me, Digger Spears.”

  He jumped off and landed on his two feet. A smile crossed his face. He stood around five-foot-six (shorter than me) with a more-than-average muscular build. He wore one of those shirts with a Celtic cross on the front and jeans with man bling on it. Something you’d never see Jack Henry in and that made me glad.

  “Digger Spears?” I squinted, recalling the shorter version of this Digger Spears. I put the note back in my pocket. “When did you get back in town?”

  Digger and his family had left town when he was in high school. I think it was his senior year, but he was younger than me so I really never paid too much attention, though I did hear his family had moved back to Sleepy Hollow some time later without Digger.

  Sleepy Hollow was so small, everyone knew everyone. Even the Digger Spearses of the community.

  “I’m a world traveler now.” He rocked back and forth on his feet. Pride written on his face. He rubbed his brown, buzzed-cut hair. “I’m working with the carnival. Seen a lot of things. I love it.”

  “Great for you, Digger.” I smiled, trying to hide my reaction to his lack of ambition. But who was I to judge. Maybe I would have joined the carnival if I didn’t have the luxury of running the family business. “I’ll be seeing you.”

  I passed by with a wave.

  “You do that, Emma Lee.” He waved. “Hey, is the Watering Hole still around?”

  “It sure is,” I said over my shoulder.

  “Maybe we can grab a drink while I’m in town,” he said.

  “We’ll see.” I continued to walk, knowing good and well that I was going to steer clear of him.

  I picked up speed and made it over to the Sleepy Hollow Inn in
record time. The rocking chairs on the front porch were taken, which meant I was going to be busy and my hands were going to be really pruned for my date with Jack Henry. A lot of people meant there were a lot of dishes to clean.

  “Where have you been?” Granny rushed around the kitchen, juggling different plates as she dipped out food on each one. “I’ve been running around like a madwoman.”

  Granny handed over the full plates to one of her servers before she rolled up her sleeves and went knuckle deep into the homemade piecrusts she was making for the desserts.

  “First I saved Terk Rhinehammer’s life.” I threw that in nonchalantly because I knew Doc Clyde would tell her about Terk’s choking episode and my involvement. Without her even telling me, I plunged my hands into the soapy, steaming-hot water and began to scrub the glasses that were submerged. “I’m not sure but I think little Digger Spears just hit on me.”

  “Back up.” Granny stopped. She put her hand on the counter and leaned in. Flour flew up in puffs of smoke. “Terk Rhinehammer?”

  “Yeah. Remember I went over to his neighborhood to do some campaigning for you.” I knew she wasn’t going to buy it though it was worth the shot. “And he happened to be choking. He asked me to take him to Doc Clyde. I think he has that smoker’s cough. I told him too.”

  I went through the full routine of dishwashing. Submerge, scrub, submerge again, and run under the water faucet before putting it in the drying rack.

  “Well, who is he voting for?” Granny asked.

  “I wish I had a clear answer, but he wasn’t sure.” I wasn’t going to tell Granny Terk had mentioned that he was probably going to vote for O’Dell, in fear she would march over to Doc Clyde’s and finish off what Cephus had started.

  I ran a soapy glass under the water faucet and put it in the drying rack.

  “But since I saved his life and drove him to Doc Clyde, I think that means he owes us.” I grinned. “One vote for Zula Fae Raines Payne coming up.”

  “Good girl.” Granny kneaded the dough, using her knuckles before flipping it and kneading the other side.